This morning, success turned into tragedy in the face of temptations...sigh... It's happening so frequent now that it just seems hopeless for me again. I feel like I know all the things that I need to know about temptations, yet I simply couldn't follow through in reality...I think what I lack is really a heart of Christ... In any case, that made for a terrible morning and afternoon at home. Still went to the mccf prestudy anyway, and it was ok, I guess...my mind was having trouble concentrating. After the prestudy, I went to my office and started making solutions for assignment 2. It's a bit troublesome since it includes putting pictures into the LaTeX file...so I didn't complete it and came home for dinner, and that's about it for the day.

Random notes...

• The next Bible study topic is God is Love...I'm not supposed to be one of the group leaders, but as Bible study coordinator, I feel the need to contribute ideas and stuff. But, the more I think about this topic, the more I'm confused...I don't understand what it means, I don't know the extent of God's love, I don't feel that God's love has made a great impact in my life. God is so great, He wants a personal relationship with me in love, yet I find myself more confused than ever...
• Speaking of love, what about brotherly love? I'm wondering if it's still worth trying to reach out to Francis. He won't even answer a very simple email question that I asked him... Sure, Jesus taught us to love brothers and sisters in Christ, but how can I love someone who doesn't really want to be loved? Am I allowed to simply give up on Francis, as I have done many times already?
• There's been a change in the home phone for my residence here in St. Paul, and so far it's been nothing but disasterous. For one, even though I have a dedicated phone number, it's in reality an "extension," with all its strange rules such as enter "9" before I can even dial a number. For two, it has a built in voice mail system which is so confusing to use...and I don't know how to turn it off! I have my own answering machine which flashes joyfully at me whenever there's a new message, so I don't want to give that up for a voice mail system at a distance which requires me to call and check in and listen to the same mundane machine voice if I want to see if there are new messages... Anyway, we'll have to see how it goes. I am supposed to sign the renewal contract by Oct 1...perhaps this will finally drive me out of here?
• It's funny how my new officemate Tony is filling out that gigantic cross sum puzzle that I have posted in the office!
• Yes, I know that youtube is destroying my life and have been the agent that dragged me into temptations time and time again...so why do I keep returning to it, thinking that this time it will be ok?

I'm grateful to God for...

• His great love for me, even though I still have trouble understanding it;
• His indwelling Spirit that is still with me, whom I have grieved over and over again;
• the great blessing that He has given to me through my friendship with Samuel;
• meeting David Betty Jeff Wilfred at the prestudy today; and
• bringing me back to life amidst all the depressing events.