It's one of those "very depressing with no good reason" days. I thought I had a good sleep in the morning...but then it was time to move. Move what? Move my mom's stuffs to Ingrid's new place, and also move Ingrid's stuff to Ingrid's new place...I was grumpy (probably the rain had something to do with it), and was in a bad mood. I talked with that angry tone to my mom. I couldn't stand her voice. She keeps complaining about the new place. The moving was tiring. There was a big lunch at Crystal Palace, which is a place where I really shouldn't go anymore... Came home, slept for about an hour before rushing to fellowship. The fellowship was just sad...or maybe it's just me. But really, the Bible study was not good...which is a shame. There was this spiritual revival meeting afterwards, but I didn't go. Came home, mom cooked a nice meal, and I desperately tried to pray due to an extraordinary high level of fear. This ends the day.

Random notes...

• I can't handle women's voices, that's what I have concluded. Or maybe I'm making too much of a generality out of special cases? Really, today, whenever I heard my mom speaking, or Ingrid speaking, or Laura pointing and speaking in that school headmaster kind of way (or otherwise), my head just felt like exploding. I just couldn't take it. Maybe it's the perkyness? I don't know...
• Happy birthday, Peter!
• With all that thinking about God is Love, I have two conclusions... (a) I have trouble realizing and experiencing God's deep love for me in my heart...sure I know that God loves me so much, but that may be still at a knowledge level, not something I know at heart. (b) As a result, I find myself to have a lack of love for a lot of people around me. There was once upon a time (high school?) when I naively thought that I loved everyone...but that is certainly no longer the case, which I am quite ashamed of. Perhaps I have lost that child-like faith that God wants me to have?
• Mom wants me to move the tv to Ingrid's place. Can I cut off internet at home? That's too tough...
• I'm burdened by too many things. But as much as I pray to put these burdens in God's hands, and let Him be my rock and strength, and asking for peace and joy, there's still the lingering doubt... Am I really releasing these burdens to Him? Am I permitting Him to be my rock and strength? Am I too stubburn and fixated on depression that I have no capacity to receive peace and joy?

I'm grateful to God for...

• giving me enough strength in the moving, and not injuring myself;
• the good time that was spent with Ed during the move-and-dine;
• keeping me up during the fellowship even as I was dead tired...;
• a chance to make more of a connection with Chen Jie and Steven in the fellowship; and
• once again, drawing me to prayers in this time of distress.