Morning run, eat, and sleep. Afternoon went to the office to do research, but couldn't do it. I had no idea how to continue on with this, losing interest in it already. The Bible study was kind of ok, I guess...it started late, so for no good reason, I drew a 9 by 28 grid on the board and started filling in numbers randomly... Lots of sharing in the study. The dinner afterwards I couldn't handle...the girls kept on talking about problems in the fellowship, but they just go at lightning speed, and I'm thinking, slow down!!! I wanted to say something, but decided against it, and came home to watch Treasure Hunters. Meanwhile, I sent Francis an email yesterday which only requires a quick yes/no/don't care answer...and yet he seems to act like if he never received it. Sigh...Lord, can I really give up on Francis now?

Right now I'm just having a breakdown. I keep thinking about all the things I missed in life, things that I really wanted to accomplish, yet couldn't because of bizarre circumstances. I keep regretting how I've lived, and what I've done or not done. And now I'm stuck at studying for this PhD thing which I don't care for anymore. I don't know how to move on from the past, even though this is precisely the lesson I learned in studying the Bible this morning. It's just...I don't know how to handle it. I just don't.

I'm grateful to God for...

• the sense of relief after the devotion today, reminding me once again the joy that comes from connecting with Him;
• giving me enough mental strength to decide for a run in the morning as a way out of temptations;
• providing me with enough courage to share my thoughts and experiences in the Bible study;
• rebuking me when I start judging inappropriately; and
• keep pulling me back to Him during these life storms.