Today...summer solstice...sunrise 5:41am, sunset 9:05pm. Repeatedly woke up and fell asleep for the entire morning, up until around 1pm. I was just tired. In the morning, I had this sudden urge to just go to Toronto and talk to Samuel, but I didn't follow through with that. In the afternoon, went to the office for an hour of office hour which nobody was coming anyway. Came home, felt that I needed to go somewhere, because my mind was going crazy with all these questions. Eventually decided on Stratford and off I went...alone. Interesting how it was all cloudy and stuff in Waterloo, but sunny in Stratford... Once there, I saw this biggest swan ever...yikes. But anyway, the main thing was to walk around the river bank, settle down at a bench, and started praying. I just poured out all my questions to God, and trust that He will answer them...eventually. There was a sense of relief, I felt a bit better, and I came home. But I was faced with a test immediately when I received a call from mom and sister. Man, I acted like an idiot with the call, because I just didn't want to talk to them. That was bad, and my emotions plunged into depression once again. How can that be? It's just...I don't know what's going on anymore. There was a thing for Clarence's birthday, and even though I didn't feel like going, I went anyway, for Clarence's sake. And that's the day.

It's very very hard to give up something that I love so much...yet that seems to have always been what God wanted me to do...

There's a fly in my room that is bugging me right now...but somehow it got itself into the inner tube of my desk's light and couldn't get out...oops...it just got out...man, that's sad. How am I going to sleep then?