I've been crying almost everyday for quite a while now. Pains past and present repeatedly float into my mind. I have trouble letting go of the past and move on forward. I couldn't even remember the good times, only the bad. I feel like a mess right now, with a vague sense of hopelessness. Maybe that's why I've been so bitter, so thankless, so unappreciative of everything around me, complaining to God day in and day out. Maybe that's why I couldn't have this intimate personal relationship with Him.

My mom now calls me at a frequency that's unheard of before...and I get very annoyed each time I receive her call. I wonder...why do I hate my family so much?

I've been repeatedly playing this CD of worship music from Willingdon. The more I listen, though, the more I couldn't connect with the lyrics. And the more I grow tired of it.