Friday...another day of frustration. First braved the heavy rain to school, intending to mark assignments, only to realize that I don't have access to solutions. Wasted an hour doing nothing, then went to Costco with Li Zhen and Chen Jie. Lunch at McD's...which I'll need to remind myself never to go there for a meal again. Really, the only things I could order are the toasted subs, and now this one I got was just cheap and horrific... Anyway, returned home and then Clarence visited me. For some odd reason, I slinked back to my old self again, unable to share my story, and I felt really bad. Especially because once Clarence left, I faced a serious temptation of the crisis level. I took a small risk, but that ended up being more fatal than I've imagined. I didn't fall into the temptation, but I broke down over my own weakness and returned to the Lord for comfort. So I guess on one hand it's frustrating, but on the other hand it's good to realize my weakness once again. I'm not sure I can take another risk again, even though I want to...
Today...pretty much slept over the whole morning... David Lee visited in the afternoon and we played board games. Somehow he finds the Trivial Pursuit questions to be very funny...heh. But really, we both suck at it... Scrabble was much more interesting, though, where being a first-time player, he beat me by 3 points. Awww...heh. Fellowship was made more interesting because Clarence and I had some emotional conversations back in the control room while the worship team was out there singing. I cut myself off from the refreshment...didn't know why. At the dinner at the uptown Viet-Thai place, I just felt horrible. Something was wrong, and I didn't understand why. It got slightly better eventually, I guess, but it's still weird. Got home and received a short email from Wayne, and that made me feel better, mysteriously enough.
Yeah, I don't know why I still couldn't forgive Francis...is it because I think he's a hypocrite, or because he's actually right? In any case, I just don't know how to approach him anymore...I fear that I would get hurt again if I do...I don't know.
Today...pretty much slept over the whole morning... David Lee visited in the afternoon and we played board games. Somehow he finds the Trivial Pursuit questions to be very funny...heh. But really, we both suck at it... Scrabble was much more interesting, though, where being a first-time player, he beat me by 3 points. Awww...heh. Fellowship was made more interesting because Clarence and I had some emotional conversations back in the control room while the worship team was out there singing. I cut myself off from the refreshment...didn't know why. At the dinner at the uptown Viet-Thai place, I just felt horrible. Something was wrong, and I didn't understand why. It got slightly better eventually, I guess, but it's still weird. Got home and received a short email from Wayne, and that made me feel better, mysteriously enough.
Yeah, I don't know why I still couldn't forgive Francis...is it because I think he's a hypocrite, or because he's actually right? In any case, I just don't know how to approach him anymore...I fear that I would get hurt again if I do...I don't know.
posted by martin at
9:39 PM
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