I find myself to be just like the Israelites when they were in the desert just outside of Egypt...essentially an amnesiac. I find it so easy to forget what God has done in my life. One moment I would marvel at God's work, and the next moment I would complain about why is God doing nothing? When I read Exodus and the rest, I would scoff at the Israelites for being so forgetful...well, looks like I'm just like one of them...sigh.
Yesterday, after the whole love feast spiritual meeting thingie was over, I headed over to Samuel (who sat alone) and had a chat with him. What started out as a nice chat disintegrated promptly when I started talking about my spiritual doubts, and Samuel came back with "you should consider dropping some of your ministry." Hmm...we also talked about experiencing God, and by the end of the chat, I plunged back down to depression and started thinking over and over again. Sigh... By the way, I really couldn't figure out Samuel...when he's absolutely serious, his eyes could kill; but when he's casually talking, he's like the most pleasant person around. Anyway, back to topic, I had a really tough time afterwards. In the evening, I've finally decided to write down my thinking (or, more accurately, talking or complaining to God). That took a while, but it was worth writing it down so that I wouldn't repeatedly think about the same things. I was still in despair, though, and that continued until this morning. And then, a breakthrough. I read the scriptures, and had an emotional cry to God, which once again lifted some burden from me. I will now hold to the promise in 1 Corinthians 10:13, and trust that the Lord will act once again to resolve my doubts and solidify my faith, in His own ways, at His own time. Please, once again, if you can, pray for me.
Yesterday, I had a surprise meal with Carlos at East Side Marios. Carlos was looking for a lunch partner, and apparently I was the only one available, so I went along. It was a nice meal, and we had some nice chats, and that's good... Today, I was planning to cook some elaborate things for lunch, and David was planning to come here to do laundry. So something clicked, and I invited him to lunch as well. So we had a 4-course meal, which was quite nice. Together with the laundry, David and I chatted for close to 4 hours in total...hehehe. It was great, we had some serious and non-serious conversations along the way, and we learned more about each other as well. This kind of time spent is meaningful to me, because otherwise I would be wasting away in doing puzzles and stuff... Hope to have more of these in the future.
Yesterday, after the whole love feast spiritual meeting thingie was over, I headed over to Samuel (who sat alone) and had a chat with him. What started out as a nice chat disintegrated promptly when I started talking about my spiritual doubts, and Samuel came back with "you should consider dropping some of your ministry." Hmm...we also talked about experiencing God, and by the end of the chat, I plunged back down to depression and started thinking over and over again. Sigh... By the way, I really couldn't figure out Samuel...when he's absolutely serious, his eyes could kill; but when he's casually talking, he's like the most pleasant person around. Anyway, back to topic, I had a really tough time afterwards. In the evening, I've finally decided to write down my thinking (or, more accurately, talking or complaining to God). That took a while, but it was worth writing it down so that I wouldn't repeatedly think about the same things. I was still in despair, though, and that continued until this morning. And then, a breakthrough. I read the scriptures, and had an emotional cry to God, which once again lifted some burden from me. I will now hold to the promise in 1 Corinthians 10:13, and trust that the Lord will act once again to resolve my doubts and solidify my faith, in His own ways, at His own time. Please, once again, if you can, pray for me.
Yesterday, I had a surprise meal with Carlos at East Side Marios. Carlos was looking for a lunch partner, and apparently I was the only one available, so I went along. It was a nice meal, and we had some nice chats, and that's good... Today, I was planning to cook some elaborate things for lunch, and David was planning to come here to do laundry. So something clicked, and I invited him to lunch as well. So we had a 4-course meal, which was quite nice. Together with the laundry, David and I chatted for close to 4 hours in total...hehehe. It was great, we had some serious and non-serious conversations along the way, and we learned more about each other as well. This kind of time spent is meaningful to me, because otherwise I would be wasting away in doing puzzles and stuff... Hope to have more of these in the future.
posted by martin at
4:55 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home