Boy, what a day. I was my old depressing self in the morning, planning to get away from mom by going to the office. Long and behold, my mom also decided to come to the office anyway, so that plan was foiled. Once in the office, I didn't do anything significant, except waiting for the magic time of 11:30, when mom goes out with Francis' mom, and I go find Samuel. Once I tracked down Samuel in DP, we had a long talk that included my relationship with mom, philosophy on Bible studies, and lots of other stuffs. I do enjoy talking to Samuel as he does bring the depths that I wouldn't get from talking with other friends. However, there are two things that I'm afraid of: (a) I'm afraid that I'm bothering him too much, becoming an annoyance for him, and (b) I'm afraid that I would be too proud and not humble enough to take his suggestions and criticisms to heart, which would defeat some purpose for talking to him anyway. I'm very much still a new learner in interacting with people. Anyway, after that, I went back to my office (with a very empty stomach), and kept on thinking and thinking and thinking (despite Samuel telling me not to think too much...heh). Alright, this paragraph is too long already...I should make a new paragraph to continue...
And here is a new paragraph. Francis later visited me, and said his mom's coming back to get him, so I guess I should tag along. A lunch and ice cream at his place is followed by a couple more hours of Francis playing his game while I stare into space doing more thinking. Of course Francis offered to talk to me about more of my problems, but seriously, he's playing a computer game, I don't think that would do much good, so I declined. The adventure continues when we went to pick up Mama Yen at his work place and crashed her place. I started to feel very strong heart beats and a lost of appetite there. This continued until I was sent home by Ed to get the pre-study going. Once in the pre-study, however, things got really interesting. It felt like we were all humbled before God, praying that He would lead us through this difficult passage...and He did! I was suddenly quite excited about the scripture that we were reading, and had wonderful amazement in sharing God's word. It took 3.5 hours, but it was a joyous ride as we discover what God is saying through the scripture. Of course the amusements of talking to Samuel through MSN were fun, too... Anyway, after it's over, I felt like a huge burden has lifted from me, and came home. I actually managed to have a nice long chat with mom while eating dinner, which is the first time that we had such chats in a long long time. I felt very relieved, and I discovered one of the major problems that I was really facing in the past few weeks. I unknowingly put so much weight on this Bible study that I forgot all there is to life. A few reasons that I can think of now about why I worry so much about it: (a) I was the one who picked this book for the term's Bible study, so I felt responsible that it goes well; (b) the last Bible study was a complete disaster; (c) this passage is incredibly difficult to study, and I certainly forgot about God's help; (d) I have some discussions with Samuel about our Bible study philosophies, and I may have subconsciously trying to please him with this Bible study, thinking more of how someone attending the study could learn the material, instead of focusing on God's words. I praise God for this development, and am very ashamed that I put so much burden onto myself that I caused so much pain for me and for others. I apologize to everyone that has been affected by this. Of course this doesn't mean that all my problems were solved, I still have a lot of problems. But still, at least I know now that I need to be patient, and God will pave the way eventually.
Boy, two long paragraphs... Anyway, more trivially, there's this strange weather that we have going on here. Temperaturewise, we have this between 3am and 8am: 7, 3, -1, -4, -6, -7. Incredibly strong wind throughout the day, with gusts of up to 82km/h. The snow was on and off throughout the day, leaving us with intervals of very heavy snowstorm (which is a snowsquall because of the wind) and sunny periods. It has been very wild. Right now, it's -9, light snow, winds 59 with gusts 74, and windchill -21.
And here is a new paragraph. Francis later visited me, and said his mom's coming back to get him, so I guess I should tag along. A lunch and ice cream at his place is followed by a couple more hours of Francis playing his game while I stare into space doing more thinking. Of course Francis offered to talk to me about more of my problems, but seriously, he's playing a computer game, I don't think that would do much good, so I declined. The adventure continues when we went to pick up Mama Yen at his work place and crashed her place. I started to feel very strong heart beats and a lost of appetite there. This continued until I was sent home by Ed to get the pre-study going. Once in the pre-study, however, things got really interesting. It felt like we were all humbled before God, praying that He would lead us through this difficult passage...and He did! I was suddenly quite excited about the scripture that we were reading, and had wonderful amazement in sharing God's word. It took 3.5 hours, but it was a joyous ride as we discover what God is saying through the scripture. Of course the amusements of talking to Samuel through MSN were fun, too... Anyway, after it's over, I felt like a huge burden has lifted from me, and came home. I actually managed to have a nice long chat with mom while eating dinner, which is the first time that we had such chats in a long long time. I felt very relieved, and I discovered one of the major problems that I was really facing in the past few weeks. I unknowingly put so much weight on this Bible study that I forgot all there is to life. A few reasons that I can think of now about why I worry so much about it: (a) I was the one who picked this book for the term's Bible study, so I felt responsible that it goes well; (b) the last Bible study was a complete disaster; (c) this passage is incredibly difficult to study, and I certainly forgot about God's help; (d) I have some discussions with Samuel about our Bible study philosophies, and I may have subconsciously trying to please him with this Bible study, thinking more of how someone attending the study could learn the material, instead of focusing on God's words. I praise God for this development, and am very ashamed that I put so much burden onto myself that I caused so much pain for me and for others. I apologize to everyone that has been affected by this. Of course this doesn't mean that all my problems were solved, I still have a lot of problems. But still, at least I know now that I need to be patient, and God will pave the way eventually.
Boy, two long paragraphs... Anyway, more trivially, there's this strange weather that we have going on here. Temperaturewise, we have this between 3am and 8am: 7, 3, -1, -4, -6, -7. Incredibly strong wind throughout the day, with gusts of up to 82km/h. The snow was on and off throughout the day, leaving us with intervals of very heavy snowstorm (which is a snowsquall because of the wind) and sunny periods. It has been very wild. Right now, it's -9, light snow, winds 59 with gusts 74, and windchill -21.
posted by martin at
12:12 AM
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