Just finished flipping through Andrew's online photo albums while eating dinner. It's really nice. Funny how there's snow in Vancouver and nothing in Waterloo... It's also sad to see that he has a nice home in Vancouver while I...well...don't have a home anymore. Oh well, I guess my home is not supposed to be on this planet...

It's kind of sad that most of this new year's eve was spent alone. Too bad nobody else notices that.

Hey, I finished Lemmings this morning! Well, sort of, anyway. Looked on the web for walkthroughs of these six nasty levels. They are just too hard... And what did I get for finishing all the levels? A 7-second animation telling me that "Congratulations! Game completed." And that's it...that's sort of disappointing, isn't it? Well, it's only a $10 game, so I wasn't expecting much anyway...hehe. Anyway, nice end to the year, I guess. No more worries about Lemmings anymore.

36 hours, 6 cities, 419 kilometers, 1 night, 9 passengers, 4 flights to catch and receive = longest roadtrip ever. Now, I need a break. I may or may not fill in the details later, I guess...

Now I understand the reason for the name "boxing day" or "boxing week": just searching for a parking spot in the malls causes extreme aggravation and brings up the desire for violence.

Congratulations, car, for hitting the big 7K! You hit it just after entering Cambridge on the way back from Toronto airport with the fearsome foursome in the car. Just one more K and you are due for a visit to the car shop... That's only 4 days for this K...wow...

The weather's been really weird lately. Surprisingly warm, I'd say. It shot up to 10 degrees yesterday. That's, like, impossible! The normal high is usually -1... So my sister gets to say that she brings warmth to this place...haha... Even weirder is that it's snowing in Vancouver. What is going on here?

Blog from away. I'm currently at Eugene's place. Typing away on my laptop, which is actually on my lap. Anyway, hopefully mesister did make it to the plane. We were supposed to leave Waterloo by 12, but our meal at Mongolian Grill was surprisingly enjoyable, so we didn't notice the time until 12:20. Oops. Gotta drive fast... We arrived at the airport at around 1:30. Her flight leaves at 1:55. That is a bit tight, isn't it? Oh well...anyway, I cried a bit after I left the airport. Maybe that is a good sign...maybe that's a sign that I'm still ok. Anyhow, I'm now safe and sound, hopefully my sister is as well. By the way, the gas in Toronto? 57.5...amazing. It was 69.9 in Waterloo...

Friday Dec 26
3 hours, 2 cities, 192.5 kilometers, 4 buff tires, 4 gone with the wind. That's how I took the fearsome foursome to the airport. It was too windy and my car jerks left and right all the time, so we suspected tire pressure problems. So we took the car to a gas station and blow up the tires. Well, didn't change anything. Sigh...

Congratulations, car, for hitting the big 6K! You hit it just before entering Mississauga. Way to go! Now you're only 2K away from your first maintainance. That's only 14 days for this K. Will hit the next one soon..........

Saturday Dec 27
14 hours, 3 cities, 388 kilometers, 2 still-incredibly-gorgeous waterfalls, countless butterflies, 2 dead batteries, 2 alive batteries, 4 swirling blades, 2 loud siblings, 4 sore feet, 4 square bums. That's how our trip to Niagara Falls with Aaron and Grace went. It was exciting, and I don't have much time to write it all down, so, as usual, I'll postpone the detailed post for later. But it was a great trip.

Hmm...so that was a pretty...uh...eh...non-special Christmas, in some way. A brief synopsis of the day: Started with the ending of a gathering at the Waterloo branch of the MYF hotel. Brought Aaron and Grace home, and brought myself home. Slept until 6. Played Lemmings, solved two. Back to sleep. Woken up by a phone (not surprisingly...) at 10.5. Clean myself and head to "the hotel." Pseudo-hot-pot lunch. Read and nap. Watched brief moments of Paul's hair-trimming process. Went home to check the non-existent phone message at 2. Had a chat on icq. Back to the hotel at 2.5. Played the longest game of Millionaire ever, with Paul. Went home yet again at 5. Nap until 7. Chat with Aaron and Francis. Played some more old Lemmings. Back to the hotel at 8. Played a half game of Trivial Pursuit. Visit Roger and Thian-Peng en masse. Finally home at around 12. Ok, this is probably the boringest post ever, but I just want to have a record of what went on during Christmas time.

Oh, I should mention that it is a slightly-white Christmas for Waterloo. There was light snow right from the start of the day, and continues intermittently throughout the day. It was quite lovely. But why is a white Christmas so significant? I have no clue... Update: Christmas temperatures: -2.7 to -0.5.

The book Authentic Faith by Gary Thomas is really helpful. Read about patience today. Boy, that was hard to swallow. Based on my reading of three chapters, I highly recommend any experienced Christians to read it.

Tomorrow: bring the fearsome foursome to airport.
Saturday: bring the gang to Niagara Falls.
Sunday: bring the faithful ones to church.
Monday: bring mesister to the airport, and then bring Francis to PacMall. Boy is it going to be exciting...
Tuesday: bring Francis, Eugene, or Hansel to wherever they want, then finally bring the fearsome foursome back to Waterloo.
Full schedule, eh?

Just had the most frustrating yet ultimately rewarding Lemmings experience. I spent about an hour and a half straight on this "My Friend The End" puzzle. This is not the first time I tried to solve it: previous numerous attempts at this puzzle failed many many times. This time, I spent about half the time finally figuring out the correct way to do it. So what did I do for the second half of the time? Trying to perform it to perfection. Because I cannot "storm that level" without a perfect performance. There were just so many times (more in the beginning) where I missed a skill, misplaced a skill, or simply discovered new faults with my plan. Closer to the end, though, it was a race against time. There were a few times where the last couple of lemmings went in to the balloon just as the time hits 00:00. Guess what, that means "Level Failed"... There were also many times when I started a builder just a bit too soon or too late (like, in the interval of 1 to 10 seconds too soon or too late). That's just frustrating, since you really don't know whether or not they will make it when you do it -- cannot be slightly earlier nor slightly later. I ended up with a 1:05 figure -- the time that those bunched-up lemmings must start building. Even after I figured out this time, the two remaining lemmings must be timed carefully as well... Oh, boy, that was really hard. I think it must have taken more than a hundred tries to get it right, and performed it perfectly a few times, but finally performed perfectly with exact timing in the final try. Finally, it's done. My friend, the end.

P.S. Nice start to a Christmas Day, eh?

This will be my 10th Christmas in Canada, and the first one spent outside of the Vancouver area. I spent one hour of it already, and it just feels weird. I don't know...it's strange to be alone in a room, typing to a blog in my first hour of Christmas. Well, the sad truth is that the older I get, Dec 25 becomes more of a "just another day." Oh well, I hope the remaining 23 hours of this Christmas are well spent.

I have lots of thoughts running through my head on this...hopefully I'll be coherent in the following.

This morning, while I was waiting for the computer to slowly scan itself, I decided to continue my reading of the book Authentic Faith by Gary Thomas. I was reading chapter 2, which is on selflessness. Well, during the kwcacmyfbbs this semester, I constantly teach that after the fall, we need to turn our focus of self toward a focus for God. That's what I teach, and that's what I didn't do. Reading this chapter really just hits me. I am a really selfish person, am I not? On the surface, it seems like I'm all helping and all giving, and apparently a bit selfless. But, on the inside, I'm still a very selfish person. This topic was briefly brought up, coincidentally, last night during our dinner with Peter. Peter mentioned that when he first got here, a couple of people said he was quite selfish, so he changed his ways. For me, I was told the same thing while I was in elementary school (possibly grade 1), and I changed my ways. So it seems like we act unselfishly just because other people said we are selfish, while I am still incredibly selfish on the inside.

Take, for example, my involvement in the fellowship. Why do I do so little in this fellowship? Because I refuse to do things that I don't like to do. Leading worship? No. Leading prayer? No. Be the chair? No. I have this glorified reason that everybody has different gifts from God, and we shouldn't ask someone to do something if God has not given this gift to him. Well, that's just a grand excuse for not doing things that I don't want to do. So why do I lead games? Because I like games! Why do I do PowerPoint stuff? Because I like playing with it! On one hand, that is good, but on the other hand, I am supposed to be serving God, not serving my self interest.

Another example would be my current struggle with finding a PhD supervisor. Why am I having such a tough time? Because I don't know what I want to do. So instead of asking God for direction (and quite frankly, God usually does not just say it out loud in a megaphone what He wants you to do), I just asked profs, friends, and family, and got myself even more confused as to what I should do.

Yet another example. I try to help people whenever they need it. If someone needs a ride, most often I would just go off in my car and give that person a ride. If someone needs help moving tables and chairs, I go and help move tables and chairs. If someone needs help with some homework problem, I go and do my best to help that person with the homework. If someone needs emotional support, I try to listen to his problems and attempt to give advice. Well, it all sounds great, except when it comes to my motivation for doing that. The "traditional" motivation for this is that I love because God first loved me. Well, that's great, except that is not the primary motivation. The primary motivation is that I'm afraid to be called selfish again, and actually, I feel good when helping people and seeing other people do better. There's this self-satisfying thing attached to it. I feel like I have accomplished something. And that's where the problems lie. To help others primarily for my own benefit? Not really good, isn't it?

Final example, and this is quite personal. I am in a deep friendship with MuTao. In particular for this semester, he needed a ton of help, so I provided as much help as I can (subject to the previous paragraph, apparently). If I listed all the times that I have helped him, I think you would be terrifyingly amazed. And providing help to him is something that I am very happy to do. He seems like a nice guy, and apparently I am the only one he would like to approach (in Waterloo anyway), so that's great. Also, he gets to know a lot about me that nobody else knows. So basically whenever I'm with him, I can just be myself. And that's one primary reason why I spend so much time with him: I enjoy that. Well, throughout this semester, I get to know some of his problems as well. Some of these problems are quite disturbing, and it has been my personal mission to help guide him to the correct pathway before major disaster strikes. Unfortunately, I have never been able to bring up these problems to him. Why is that? Because I am afraid that if I do bring up these issues, our friendship might be over, and I don't want that to happen. I've never had such a deep friendship before, and I just don't want to lose it so quickly. So I ask myself this question: what am I in this friendship for? And right now, the answer apparently is that I'm in this friendship more for my benefit than his. And that's the sad truth.

Ok, I think I've rambled on long enough. Personally, I wish I can change my selfishness to selflessness myself, but I know that's not possible. The only way to change is through prayer. A ton of it.

P.S. Nice thoughts for a Christmas Eve, eh?

11 hours, 4 cities, 277 kilometres, 2 centimetres from a crash, 4 old friends, too much rain = 1 wonderful journey. And guess what brave thing I did today? I took my sister to a shopping mall during the busiest shopping day of the year! Now I should get some kind of reward for that, eh?

Woohoo! Even after a few fumbles, the re-installation of windows is a success! Now the fonts won't disappear again...for now...hopefully for a long time...

Hmm...re-installing windows actually frees up 2GB of harddrive space? That's very suspicious...but I'll be happy for now.

5 hours, 3 cities, 263 kilometres = the beginning of a long trip for one brother, and the end of a rollercoaster ride of a semester for another. A pair of empty stomachs and a pair of dysfunctional hands (driving with high winds = hands that were tightly gripped to the steering wheel = hands that become sort-of tingly). More to come, I hope...

I should write something soon, but I'm just too tired, and confused.

What's on my mind? Hmm...you probably don't want to know. Who knew that life after thesis would still be this difficult?

I'll probably get a summary of last week up here soon...

MuTao, where are you?

I'm really torn in terms of what I should be doing for my PhD. Don't even know which subject I'm supposed to be studying...sigh...

That was in incredibly gut-wrenching moment when Graeme finally knocked on Bill's door. It's crazy!!! I was so hesitant outside the door... Thanks to Graeme, however, now I have a meeting with Bill tomorrow. That's one small step toward a new supervisor...

Temperature hit a new low of -15 yesterday. So did my spiritual life, apparently...

Endless confusion. That's all I can say.

Congratulations, car, for hitting the big 5K! You hit it on the way from Cambridge to Waterloo (probably somewhere in Kitchener). Wow, that's only 9 days since the last K...probably the fastest ever, but I'm too lazy to check that.

I measured about 12cm of snow today. That was a huge snowstorm... It's amazing that we actually get to see the moon right now...

It's snowing cats and dogs!

So tired..........

Mesister's here! That was an incredibly tiring day...more to come.

Yesterday's kwcacmyfbbs is ok. We had to first go all the way down to first floor of MC to find an empty room. Because we had skipped the last several studies, we had to go through a ton of material this time around. In the first half, though, Keane asked one too many questions that are sort-of off-topic, which is fine by me, actually. But then when we got through 3/4 of the material, Keane started to complain that he's hungry, he wants to go home, can we just skip the rest? Obviously I say no, and I'll just go through it quicker. Anyway, just weird. But overall, an ok experience. It's the last kwcacmyfbbs, and they get to receive TPDL as Christmas presents. I think this is the second and third time that I gave it away when they almost wanted to buy it themselves! Wow...that's wonderful.

Since this is the last Bible study for the term, and also nobody else has any plans for the next day, I thought I would go crazy on the dinner thing, and suggested that we go to Cambridge for dinner. Haha! They liked it, and went for it. We even took Sinnie with us on the trip! I think the dinner was a really positive experience for everyone. That's very nice. We visited Future Shop afterwards due to sufficient interest... The tripod costs the same as Best Buy, so I was seriously considering buying it. Also there's this Myst III Exile thing, which is cheap. I've heard it's a puzzle game, so I was wondering if I should buy it. As well, I saw a telephoto lense (55-200mm) which costs $400. That's something I would like to buy someday. And the digital SLR camera? $1200. That would've been good to have... And then I realize, wow, I'm certainly getting very materialistic, am I not? Need. To. Resist. Wasting. Money!!!

I might as well mention that we went through a grand total of 3 chapters of Genesis this semester in the kwcacmyfbbs. Well done! We'll do another 3 next semester.

It's great to be able to share secrets, eh? Hopefully it doesn't backfire.

I finally found out that for the touch up paint, the instruction's idea of a "small amount" is a lot larger than my idea of "small amount." No wonder I had trouble applying it. I'll give it another go today.

Meanwhile, mesister's coming tomorrow... Still not sure how to spend the day in Toronto, though...

I think I'm sick...

Bought touch-up paint this morning. Trying to use it, but apparently it doesn't work... Oh well, it's only a black spot on a silver car, right? Sigh...

Just found a chip on my car. No, not a cpu. A chip. Like, being chipped away by a flying stone kind of chip. I almost freaked out about it, actually...it is a new car, after all. It's a chip that takes away the paint and reveals some metal underneath. If anyone can help (and I know you can), please help! Thanks...

On the subject of my car, it's been having this high-pitch ringing sound when I drive (almost always in cold weather). It's not loud, but just annoying. Not sure if that's going to be harmful...

The final kwcacmyfbbs is tomorrow. Hopefully I can get through it without much trouble. Sigh...the end of an era...

I find it slightly satisfying to see Alice at least a bit surprised by the birthday surprise yesterday. Woohoo! Finally, a birthday surprise that actually surprises... I have to confess that I devised the plan and shared it with Sinnie and Thian-Peng only. It was supposed to be for MuTao, but he's too chicken to show up to the fellowship (haha). So we decided to use it toward the next birthday person, which turns out to be Alice. Good thing it worked: it's a one-time only event, and we may never use the same thing again... Thanks to Sinnie and Thian-Peng for keeping the secret for so long!

It feels weird to have no goal to reach for the moment. I sit around doing things that won't delay my thesis, which is such a strange feeling.

I have this queasy feeling in my stomach...and it's not just because of the bad food I ate yesterday.

6.5 hours, 2 cities, almost 2 countries, 2 gorgeous gigantic waterfalls, 15 photos, 324.5 kilometres, 1 giant headache. Well, the headache comes from both being exposed to the -1 temperature for about 2 hours in Niagara Falls and whatever happened the night before. The reason for the almost 2 countries is because I have this great idea that it would be so cool to list "2 countries" here by walking across the Rainbow Bridge to the U.S. of A. and back. However, upon entering a building that would allow me to cross, I stopped. Why? Because I'm a chicken. A giant chicken! The sign says make sure you have a visa, passport, birth certificate, etc. before you leave...otherwise you may not come back. Well, all I have is a silly citizenship card. Does it fall under the etc.? I don't really know...and I don't want to risk it at that moment. So, I turned back. Sigh...

There weren't many people at the falls this time, which was really nice. I take nice strolls up and down the walkway. The amazing thing I experienced this time was the moment when almost everything is silent, and all I can hear is just the waterfalls pounding on the rocks. That was a surreal. Wonderful.

I'm a sucker for rainbows. Boy, those double rainbows were gorgeous. One is really really bright. Amazing reminder of God's promise.

By the way, it's always great to find free parking...

Finally put some use to that "Ontario Roads" atlas. Who knew that Hamilton is that huge? It took forever to get to Centennial Parkway on number 8. I finally got to experience the "green wave" that MuTao was telling me about. Too bad it didn't go in my favour as I was trying to find a red light to look at the map... I took a different route back, which was longer in distance, not sure if it was shorter in time, but certainly avoids the city of Hamilton altogether. The route: QEW, 403, 6, 401. I can't believe I actually followed this route from memory correctly... I was soooooo tired by the time I was going home that my car was really wobbly when I drove (well, it's wobbly also because of the high speed and high wind). I just thank God for providing just enough energy to get me home yet again. It's wonderful.

My decision to go to Niagara Falls arose due to last night's problem, and I just want to run away from it, get myself cutoff from the internet and friend. I had long talks with God during this trip. After the trip, I am still mighty confused about what happened. I'll just have to be extra careful with what I say. Blabbing away whatever is happening to me is apparently not a good idea. It still hurts...

Finally, congratulations, car, for hitting the big 4K! You hit it while in Grimsby, Ontario. 27 days. Longest ever. Been conservative, I guess.

Ok, running away from my problem, and off to Niagara. Hope to be back...

Just finished an hour-walk with God under -13 degree temperature. It's good to know, once again, that I should put God first in my life. Not my work, not other people, not entertainment. Please pray for me on this.

This hurts too much...

I cancelled today's kwcacmyfbbs. Now I feel a bit sorry about it... Mostly because this decision is probably made out of emotional reasons, rather than being made out of God. I guess I was sort of disappointed with the little response I got when I asked for a good time for the study. Added to that, the fact that only three people showed up last week... Maybe there is very little interest in such a group at all...sigh...

Now that my thesis is done, I am more relaxed. But this is when I have to be very very careful: it's this kind of circumstance that I fall into temptation more often...

I had my first real winter-driving experience yesterday. It was hard...but fun at the same time. I slipped only once (although some may say once is more than enough). At one point the blowing snow was so heavy that after I cleared the snow off of my car, another layer of snow appeared... Oh, and it was a kind of weather not fit for walking, either... -8 and windchill -15 right now.

The KWCACMYF coworkers forum has been set up yesterday. It was an awfully confusing, but ultimately rewarding experience, I'd say. It's so funny that just for yesterday, we have 105 hits just for the forum home...haha, Thian-Peng and I worked hard on getting that number up, eh? In other news, this page got 18 hits just yesterday...who are you people?

277 hits. That's how many times this page was loaded in the month of November. That's a bit scary, I think... I mean, I only average around 5 hits a day, so that accounts for about 150 hits. So where are those other 120 or so hits coming from? Weird, man...