Today, the brothers prayer meeting didn't happen. Probably because nobody cared enough to want to gather together and pray. Interestingly enough, the fellowship gets one or two (sometimes even three) gatherings to play basketball. So how come they would rather play than pray? It boggles the mind.

"For bodily exercise profits a little, but godliness is profitable for all things, having promise of the life that now is and of that which is to come." -- 1 Timothy 4:8

Recently I've started to have this depressing thought about my commitment to the fellowship. Let's face it, having it Saturday night (or worse, Saturday afternoon like before) is a pretty bad time. It cuts in the middle of the weekend. As such, I cannot plan any long trips during the weekend because of my commitment to driving and serving in the fellowship. Just this weekend, it cut down on my time in London, and I wished I could have stayed there longer. And I see all these other people who felt free to just take the Saturday (or longer) off to Toronto or to study, and also see how the fellowship is dwindling with very little commitment from other people, it just makes me sad. I gave up so much for this fellowship, yet it is just...dying. Why? For what am I sacrificing my life for? Maybe it will start growing when I drop out of it and leave. Who knows. Maybe I'm the bad guy.

I find myself to have an increasing "don't care" attitude towards the fellowship. It used to be that when people didn't come, I would be sad and worried and would care about what happened. Now...I just don't care anymore. I have this "it's your loss" for not coming to fellowship attitude. Sure there's still a little bit of the old sadness, but it's certainly not overwhelming. I don't know, I think this is bad.

First post...

...just testing. Been very burdened with fellowship stuffs. Don't know how to say things, so I try to write them down first.