Recently I've started to have this depressing thought about my commitment to the fellowship. Let's face it, having it Saturday night (or worse, Saturday afternoon like before) is a pretty bad time. It cuts in the middle of the weekend. As such, I cannot plan any long trips during the weekend because of my commitment to driving and serving in the fellowship. Just this weekend, it cut down on my time in London, and I wished I could have stayed there longer. And I see all these other people who felt free to just take the Saturday (or longer) off to Toronto or to study, and also see how the fellowship is dwindling with very little commitment from other people, it just makes me sad. I gave up so much for this fellowship, yet it is just...dying. Why? For what am I sacrificing my life for? Maybe it will start growing when I drop out of it and leave. Who knows. Maybe I'm the bad guy.