I really don’t want to go. I originally wanted to go to Iceland. But parents want me back (of course they do), so I obliged. I don’t particularly enjoy air travel, and I absolutely hate the jetlag. Just going to go through the motions, I suppose.

Today was also the last lecture of the semester. It was a terrible semester. I didn’t enjoy teaching this time around. Next semester will be super crazy. Still very disappointed about not getting to teach softies. Sigh…I can never get over it.

But the main thing is to see the baby. She’s very cute, of course, and I get to see her almost everyday. The thing that struck me the most is how much care and money goes into this one baby. No wonder every child is so precious. And to imagine that every single person in the world has to have grown up from such a tiny frame, it’s just overwhelming. The miracle of life is astounding. God is amazing.

A bit of tedious travel during weekend, and then I was done. Right now sitting in the Singapore Airlines lounge at TPE. Another long journey ahead. It will be much easier this time around, getting upgraded along the way. This time, it’s different. I no longer feel the dread of returning. Strange feeling.

On the teaching front, I’m just feeling tired. It’s the same old material, and the students don’t respond. Maybe the engineers are better for me. I miss my civil eng students. Bumped into some of them yesterday, and it was a blast, but that was only for a few brief minutes.

I’ve been reading this book on prayer. Every time I pick up this book, I can only read a little, feel very ashamed, and put the book down. Sad.

My birthday is coming up too. That always makes me depressed. Seriously. The number is getting up there. And I have nothing. So sad.

Sure, having a house makes some things easier. But I do feel very alone, especially in this vast space. I’ve also lost any appetite for travelling, which has been something I was really looking forward to.

What I fear the most now is overconfidence. This term I’m teaching one course twice, and it is a course I’ve taught last term. So I’m bound to be so confident that I become lax in preparation. Usually this spells doom as I will likely miss some important details. I just have to force myself to type up new notes for each lecture.

I do always pray before the first lecture of the day. Pray for a humble heart. Because truly I don’t know what I’m doing.

I’m also lagging in life, it seems. Friends who are similar or younger in age than me have already married and have kids. I feel like I’m just wasting my life away.

And I’m even lagging in thinking of a third thing I’m lagging about…

Classes are also coming to an end. I’m going to miss my civil kids (I seem to always miss the kids…until after the exam and they all disappear), and the front row of my math kids. Final exam is going to be crazy: two exams to proctor in a row, two exams to mark simultaneously.

How am I feeling about all this? For one, I’m feeling quite lonely, to be the only one in this big place. For two, I’m feeling quite overwhelmed, to not know what to do with these house things. And for three, I’m feeling thankful, to God for everything.

Even more thankful that on this hectic week, I got offered a 2-year teaching contract! Well, 2 years less a day, but still! Very exciting news. I guess things just want to happen together.

Almost done packing my stuff at Steven’s place. Can’t wait to get out of here. Only moving these essentials tomorrow. Lots and lots of other stuffs for Saturday. And I will officially be in debt! Things are happening!

The day started at about 2am, where I missed my alarm clock by about 5 mins and rushed to pack too many things in too little space. The shuttle to the airport at 3am was brutal, constantly between sleep and half asleep. Conversations with Dave made it easier. Budapest’s airport looks so good from the departures side, but so horribly bad from the arrival side. Shouldn’t they change that around? Flight to Munich was short but very very full. Managed a nap through the landing which means it must have been a smooth descent. And here I am at the lounge which was great.

Ah…getting back to the normal grind, with 5 days until closing. Getting crazy over there.

As with the last two WPCs that I attend, I did well on the first day, and then crashed in the second day. And as with the last two WPCs that I attend, I finish around 75th out of about 100 official competitors. This doesn’t mean that I’m not improving, of course, it just means that everyone’s improving, and I’m just not improving more. Sadly, I think this may be the last one I attend. Getting 70s every time is not a good feeling.

I’m still very happy that I came here. It was definitely a blast to be with the people I knew, and meet new people as well. But there is definitely a sense of disconnect, as beyond puzzles, our interests diverge. They are more into pop culture and trivia, I’m more into…other things.

The social aspect is, as always, a bit awkward. I’m usually “just there”. I stick with the Canadian team for the most part, of course, sometimes this involves getting a nice Brit and a loud American in the mix. Mama and Papa Calver are also great to talk to.

Too bad I didn’t get to see one Hungarian instructor that I met in Waterloo a while ago. Maybe next time.

Heading off to the world puzzle championship again! This is very exciting. I love the Hungarian style puzzles. They do get a little crazy though. I’m sure some rounds like the “borderless” round will be a “pointless” round for me…too bad it’s not “fewer points the better” type of thing.

Europe is so close to Toronto…it’s only a 7-hour flight to Frankfurt! I’m so used to the 12-hour flights to Narita or the horrific 15-hour flights to Hong Kong! This 7-hour flight is nothing! But why does it cost about the same….

Still love most students. It’s usually this time of the semester when I start getting attached to the students. I miss some of them when they leave my office. Then again, after the semester’s over, I’ll probably not see them again. I think this is a recurring sentiment that needs to be explored better…

Going to be teaching the same course twice next semester. I think that means lower workload, so does that mean I should be looking at finding ways to get alternate income? After all, this house thing is costing a lot….

I love a lot of my students. I try to learn their names, and some will see me every week. But after the semester’s over, I might have some on facebook and never see them again. Even then, contact is rare. So…why bother learning their names and being their friends? I suppose it creates an illusion of me getting personal with the students instead of treating them as numbers. But it’s just that…an illusion. They disappear.

Having a bus pass is nice. Bumping into students randomly on the bus is fun. That never happens if I drive around in a car.

135: Midterm was apparently too easy…except for the front row. Other than that, things are moving slowly but smoothly. Still don’t know why they are so shocked when I turned a linear congruence into a linear Diophantine equation…

115: Midterm grades were slightly disappointing, and clearly some students didn’t study at all. Apparently I’m the only instructor with full office hours…so at least some of them are studying.