I’m getting into a routine now. Go to school in the morning. Waste time in the afternoon. Come back and wonder what to do. Maybe watch a video here and there, maybe play a game, but feeling empty.

My birthday is coming up too. That always makes me depressed. Seriously. The number is getting up there. And I have nothing. So sad.

Sure, having a house makes some things easier. But I do feel very alone, especially in this vast space. I’ve also lost any appetite for travelling, which has been something I was really looking forward to.

I always get nervous when a new semester starts, and meet the new batch of students for the first time. On one hand it is an opportunity to build a brand new impression. On the other hand, I have to rebuild this impression every term. Somehow at the end of term, I almost always receive positive responses from the students. But then I start to wonder, what exactly did I do to build these impressions? What is it that I do that they like? I think back, and I just have no idea. I just do what I usually do, and somehow they like what I do. It’s weird.

What I fear the most now is overconfidence. This term I’m teaching one course twice, and it is a course I’ve taught last term. So I’m bound to be so confident that I become lax in preparation. Usually this spells doom as I will likely miss some important details. I just have to force myself to type up new notes for each lecture.

I do always pray before the first lecture of the day. Pray for a humble heart. Because truly I don’t know what I’m doing.