Slept late the night before, so I was extremely tired in the morning. Didn’t feel like I had any energy to teach this lecture. Overall it went ok, except for the one step which I realize in class that I had the wrong proof and had to consult with Dan afterwards to discuss and brainstorm before coming up with a right proof. Ok, long sentence. Anyway, it was good to have the students participate in this unintentional error, at least it shows me that some of them might understand what I was doing in class. Oh, and I was right about the attendance…it went way down this time. So yes, people attended to pick up tests. So maybe there should be tests every week.

Of course then William has to tell me that one of his friends who is in my class had no idea what’s going on in the class. Well, that’s understandable, I guess. Also I saw Milton and some other guy just stared at the blackboard with a “no clue” look. Hopefully the majority gets it.

Test 2 is coming up soon, and I had to make questions again. Except this time, I really couldn’t come up with any interesting questions. So I just threw together several boring questions and sent them off. I tried to make them easier, but who knows how the students will do…hopefully better.

What do these three words have in common? I have nothing to do with them, apparently. Starting with the Olympics…I might as well be the only person who didn’t care for it, and didn’t watch more than a few seconds of it. I don’t get the enthusiasm around it either. Maybe not being athletic has something to do with it. I don’t know.

Lack of optimism means, well, I’m depressed again. Seriously. And opportunity…I guess I just don’t create enough opportunities for anything. So, my fault. My depression.

I had a thought that basically my whole life, I quit a lot. I started a lot of things, and quit a lot of things. Or for those rare instances where I finished, I wanted to quit midway through. And there are so many other things that I couldn’t even start… So, from what I’ve heard elsewhere, this means I’ve failed in life. So…why bother?

Things haven’t been going so well. The new place for living is, well, just barely livable. Compared to the Wei’s house, though, the current place is the lesser of two evils, I guess. Seriously, who in the world would sharpen pencils in the bathroom? Haven’t started cooking yet, and seriously don’t feel like cooking here. But I don’t have much choice here. At least I get to park in the garage…when by chance I get to open the garage door by the remote.

I still spent way too much time on meaningless pokering, and it has been horrible, in a perpetual downswing now, it seems. I guess I should stop playing and start focusing on more productive stuff, like, making job applications. I’m just so frustrated with everything. Well, at least I got the chips that I ordered back in December. They look great, but smell pretty bad, which is supposed to disappear.

I’m getting very close to 30 now, and I look at what’s happening and feel very very depressed. I’m living in a basement, I have no full time job, and I have no marriageable prospect… Meanwhile, it seems that everyone else is buying a house, getting a job, and getting married. So I’m in a state of utter despair. Well, I always thought I would never live past 30, so I guess I’m going to die soon anyway, so why bother?

It was pretty intense, going through the second part of the big giant proof. I only stumbled when I tried to say something about the induction trap, but couldn’t come up with anything to say. Anyway, the proof itself isn’t so hard, it’s just a bit long. Now I’m way behind again…about 2 classes behind. Doh.

Someone came to my office saying “sorry I missed the class today, can I pick up my midterm?” Well, I was polite so I didn’t say anything bad, but he hasn’t attended one class, so technically he didn’t miss this class…oh well.

Time to prepare the next term test, yet I don’t have much of a clue what to do with it. Creativity is at its low point right now.

First day back from the break, and I was rusty, of course. Added to that horrible jetlagging yields a boring lecture. It was all very technical proof anyway, so I couldn’t do much about it. Plus I couldn’t print my notes, so I had to repeatedly go back to the computer screen to see what the next steps are (because I really couldn’t remember the steps). Anyway, more proofs next time, which should be even more boring.

There was a spike in attendance today, some people who normally don’t show up did show up today. I thought, that’s great, people might start attending more. But on second thought, I think they just wanted to pick up the term test, which I didn’t have at that time. Heh… We’ll see on Friday if it really goes down again.

The term test results were horrible. My average is 51.4%, which is the median of the three section averages. A few people came to pick them up (while I was sleeping in my office hour, jetlagging of course). Tim came in and started saying something about this might be the worse exam score he might see, and I started talking about he did well, gave him the exam, and he said (with a bit of shock) so this might not be the worse he’s seen…heh. Peter was surprised with his high score, too, which is nice. Others, didn’t react so positively…which is understandable.

Started early in the morning when I woke up at 4, started packing at 5:30, and ready to go at 5:50! First in line for the check-in, but no good seat this time. The EVA lounge is excellent, and I was full. The flight from Taipei to Tokyo was eventless, and got even fuller. But the bad news started once I landed, went through security, and was immediately shocked at the delay in the Toronto flight! 4 hours delay! I must have some kind of travel curse with me or something. At least it’s not cancelled…for now. In any case, I arrived at around 1pm, and the check-in desk for AC doesn’t open until 2pm, and opened late. I was about fourth in line, and the line-up behind me was really long. So I was lucky in that sense. I finished check-in and got to the lounge at around 2:40pm. Waited a while before Roger joins in. Now I’m at the sleeping pod, which isn’t ideal for sleeping since it’s so noisy… But the food is awesome as usual. Hopefully the flight won’t be too bad…

I prepared some lecture material at the lounge! Impossible! Now if only I can prepare some job applications…hmm…

I guess had I known about the delay, I would have go through customs and go to the big mall…too bad.

This last day in Taipei was a day filled with waiting. Now I’m normally ok with waiting for others, just because I’m very experienced with it. But this time, it just got to such an extreme that I just couldn’t wait anymore. Started with waiting for dad to go out, then waiting for several detours before finally getting to the Christian bookstore. In the evening, there was a dinner gathering, where I first waited for my sister at the subway station, then waited for food, twice, then waited as we toured her banquet place. Waiting and waiting and waiting. I just wonder how come I’m always the one waiting. Oh well…it’s not that big a deal anyway.

I do find that I’m increasingly isolating myself. I don’t feel like talking to anybody, don’t feel like hanging out with anybody, just a general disdain for human interaction. I don’t know why.

Random notes: I tend to find the food to be better tasting than what my family thinks of the food, probably because I’m inexperienced in typical food here, and hence am blessed with a less-critical tongue. I really never fully adjusted to the jetlagging, although probably just off by about 3-4 hours, which I guess is not too bad now that I’m going back. Indeed going to fly business class with Roger for NRT–>YYZ, so indeed no more upgrades for the rest of the year. Had a good time talking to an old friend at the dinner, who worked for Garmin and got blamed for a lot of misdirections…heh. I suppose I should do some lecture prep on the planes, but really, I don’t feel like doing anything on the plane. Ok, so I’m fat, but there’s no need to point it out every time.

Getting close to flying back now. Confirmed upgrades for Roger and me for Tokyo to Toronto, so that’s going to be good, except now I won’t be able to upgrade for the rest of the year. Oh well. Anyway, it was raining and windy in Tainan for a couple of days, and then we drove up to Taipei (left at 4am!), only to find that it’s also raining hard here. Not much you can do except go to Costco, I guess. Got some photos printed there, so it made for a nice album to bring back. There was a trip to Danshui to meet Roger and his mom, had lunch at an empty golf course (it was raining, of course), visited a retired pastor who had probably over a million dollars worth of antiques in his remote place, and visited my sister’s newly bought place. So just one more day today to wrap up my trip in Taiwan. Not exactly sure if it’s well worth the time and money, but I guess it could have been way worse had I stayed in Waterloo doing nothing for a week.

I commented on the idol worship that is rampant in Taiwanese culture. This amount of mis-belief is certainly very disturbing. In North America, though, there is a related problem of dis-belief that is also disturbing. Not sure what I wanted to say here, just an observation.

Meanwhile, I haven’t prepared much in terms of lectures and job apps. Aaaaaahhhh…..

Most of the last couple of days were spent either waiting for something, or shopping at a department store. It could potentially be very tilting, and be seen as wasting a ton of time. But put it into some perspective, this is time spent with family, and it can never be considered wasteful. So I guess that’s ok.

But still, shopping is very tilting. My parents wanted to buy me a new shirt, but as usual, I have trouble picking one that I like, so eventually just gone with whatever they like.

More random notes: Jetlagging continues, although I wonder if I really want to overcome jetlagging, as I’m going to be back in Waterloo in a short while. The food aspect has been underwhelming, but I’m not one to focus on the food much… I do get this “so hungry I’m shaking” feeling several times, so it’s not good. I have done some lecture prep, but it’s a bit tough. Poker has been very swingy, and of course, tilting.

So it was Chinese New Year. Absurdities abound in this bizarre traditional holiday. What’s extremely mind-boggling is the news reporting of tons of people lining up in front of Buddhist temples and then tried to be the first one to give a fire offering for the new year, just for the thought that this might bring good luck. (It reminded me of people lining up for Boxing Day sales…similar goals, different methods…) I just find it ridiculous. And the amount of trust being given to idol worship is disheartening. I guess that’s the part of Chinese culture that I will never understand, and will not try to.

Another theme in this New Year celebration is the obsession with getting wealth. The tradition is to say to each other “congratulations on getting wealthy” which is in itself absurd. You don’t just suddenly get a ton of money on the New Year (unless you’re a kid and getting lots of red envelopes) (which in itself is another absurd thing). Also, why the focus on money? As if money is all you care for. And health, I guess. I can’t wrap my ahead around it.

A few random notes to end this post: I find it sad that most of the evening time during the Eve and the New Year was spent in front of the television, watching pointless variety programs. Firecrackers are definitely tilting. I’ve been jetlagging in the form of random sleep at random times, but never sleeping more than 4 hours at a time. There was a trip to Gong Ling to see my uncle’s church and it was surprisingly great to see such a large church (around 100 people) on a mountain with scattered population around. There was also a trip to a lake, which I wasn’t excited about, and promptly fell asleep. The home-made beef noodle lunch was great. Next time if I come here for Chinese New Year, I’ll make sure that I don’t get anywhere near the television.

I’m in Taiwan now, more specifically in Tainan. The trip started at 6am Thursday Waterloo time, and finished at around 4am Saturday Taiwan time, for a total of about 35 hours. The flight from Toronto to Tokyo is tilting, as expected, but not as much as last time since Roger’s around so I’m not all alone. It also helps that the two of us got 3 seats, so it’s not all cramped. The best part of this flight is looking out the window while we were flying over eastern Russia. The view of the desolate, cold, mountainous arctic tundra below was awesome, even though no one would ever set foot on this place! Other than that, the flight consists of a mix of food, being hungry after having food, failing to get much sleep, getting mario to die repeatedly (and hearing other people playing mario too!), light reading, puzzles, and some TV from the middle seat (one ep of Departures and three eps of Better Off Ted) (my screen and Roger’s screen were both broken). But the flight is just too long…

Once in Narita, got passed customs, and did some standard shopping around (ONLY 3 puzzle books for me this time). Had a nice meal at the terminal, which was small and expensive, but that’s expected. Vending machines were also fun. I was dead tired at that time, and couldn’t wait to get on the plane…which I eventually did, and fell asleep multiple times with a meal in between. Landed in Taiwan on time, but the journey isn’t over yet.

That’s because I still need to travel to Tainan… Thankfully dad picked me up and drove there. It’s crazy how there were so many people at the airport (and for once got a very nice customs officer), and there were so many cars on the road, even at 1am! At the two rest stations, the parking lot was packed, lots of people were in the buildings eating. I managed more sleep on the car, and somehow we arrived safely. Very surprised at some 24-hour restaurants in Tainan, actually, they were small roadside restaurants, so I don’t know how they manage that. In any case, I’m here, and will be here for a few days before heading to Taipei to finish up the trip. No dental appointment this time, so that’s good.

Arrived at the airport really early today, so early that there’s even a line-up at the Elite line. Now at the lounge, frustrated by unstable free internet here, but since it’s free, I shouldn’t complain. Especially since there are people on a flight to Bermuda which was delayed from 8:30am to 4:30pm, and don’t even know if that will fly. So yeah, at least so far there’s nothing bad going on with my flights, so that’s good.

I’ve planned to do a lot of things while waiting, but right now I just don’t feel like doing anything. Maybe it’s because I woke up so early and feel very sleepy. So all the lecture prep and puzzles and stuff go away, and I start typing mindlessly here.

I should get used to this flying and stuff. Going to do this in April.

Finally, a bad lecture! Well, it started well, actually, when I was briefly going over the exam. It was still ok when I was doing examples in eigenvalues and diagonalization. But when I started proving something, things went downhill very fast. I had about 10 minutes left anyway, so I was rushing through it, hoping to fit two proofs in. In the process, I didn’t look carefully at the notes, and started making mistakes. And eventually I went over time with just one proof…oops. Ah…that was so bad.

I did my part of the marking today. It was pretty depressing. One question that is just a small variation of a standard question, and people went crazy with it. And then another question which was slightly tricky, but I didn’t expect it to be so tricky that less than 10 people got it. In the end, I rushed through things as well, so who knows, maybe I just wasn’t reading carefully.

During the lecture, I had temporarily experienced this bizarre sensation where I felt like it wasn’t me who was really talking. It sort of felt like an outer-body experience, like here I am doing something a shy person shouldn’t be doing, yet, I just kept on talking. Anyway, that’s just weird. Ok, reading week. Hopefully I do get some reading time. The second half of the course should be very crazy.

I think I went too fast, but covered too little. Also, not preparing in full the examples is really bad. Overdetermined systems and least squares are nice, but I don’t think I do a good job on them. I also bluffed my way through possible statistical connection, which Keyar busted when he asked something about r-values…oops.

There was the first term test today. Well, I don’t think the students did so well…most likely it’s too long and more difficult than they anticipated. My heart sank as I was proctoring and saw how desperate they were. Oh well…a full day of marking ahead, hopefully it’s not too bad.

Next part of the teaching could get hairy…and it also has a great cliffhanger.

So I did indeed showed the approximating e^x example on the computer screen. I find it very interesting, but it feels dead from the students…heh. It feels deader when I started talking about overdetermined systems. Maybe it’s just not a good day for a lecture.

Office hours was frustrating. Oh well…wish more people would come so Jason wouldn’t monopolize the time! Heh… And it was funny the other guy apologizes for sleeping in class (now I’m wondering if he read what I wrote…).

Had a chat with Dan late in the day. It was fun. He really likes proofs, but I was scared about the coming giant proof about eigenvalues of symmetric matrices.