With about 90 minutes left in 2009, I guess I should do a reflection on the year of some sort. But I don’t think I can come up with something remotely comprehensive within this short timeframe, so I’ll just write down whatever comes to mind, in very brief form. Putting conclusion at the start, I have to thank God for everything that happened, good and bad.

Events… (1) Travels: 2 trips to Taiwan, 1 trip to Saskatoon, 1 trip to Vancouver, and 1 incredibly eventful year-end trip to Chicago. (2) Teaching: had a great time with teaching 239. (3) Jobs: Current postdoc job is just bizarre, and searching for future jobs is painful. (4) Housing: A year at Ed and Ingrid’s place was…awkward, and the search to buy a house was a bust. (5) Games: getting addicted to 2-7 triple draw, dwindling of boardgaming events, and had a great time organizing an amazing race.

Thoughts… (1) Getting old: approaching 30, and feeling like my life has been wasted. (2) Spiritual depression: being disappointed in myself and the fellowship, and slowly regressing. (3) The future: a sense of despair in what’s going to come. (4) Materialism: being surrounded by materialistic people affects my thinking on money and “stuff.” (5) Detachment: starting to have more and more of the “don’t care” thoughts toward many (perhaps important) things.

Roger finally bite his tongue and paid $5 for the internet access, so I get to make a blog post from a new city! It has been a very interesting “ride” to Chicago, and the anticipated trip back to Waterloo could be interesting as well. The conference itself makes me feel pretty bad…need a ton of time for reflection when I get home. But…linear algebra course is coming up very quickly, and that worries me a bit… Oh well…

Somehow I suddenly become this bitter, cynical, indifferent person. Ironic (or fitting) that I would find this during Christmas season. Also ironic (or fitting) that I would be heading off to the Chinese Christian Conference with this coldness.

Christmas Eve: I was alone in the house in the morning. Bored in the afternoon. Decided to go out shopping like an idiot. Bought Formula D the boardgame, inflatable bed, and oreo ice cream. Went to Yen’s place to play Formula D in the evening (although at one point it seemed that there would be no evening activities). I lost both times.

Christmas Day: Woke up, had breakfast, then wasted time. Picked up Lucas and Brian (a one-hour detour) for church evening event. Laughed at the fellowship skit. Bored most of the time. Packed up for the trip. Raining all day.

It’s Christmas Eve. I feel…indifferent? Or just sad, I guess. Really, when everyone else is just doing their own thing, and I’m being left alone, it just doesn’t feel right. Of course if I don’t care about all this Christmas stuff, then it doesn’t make any difference. The world doesn’t care much for it except for the money. The church doesn’t make it anything super special. The absurdities of what goes on around this time of year are getting increasingly difficult to ignore. I just have this hopeless feeling about it all.

A few short updates: Switzerland trip is a bust, and it’s so sad. Turns out the course I’m teaching next term is very different from what I thought it was, which is shocking. I stopped applying for jobs, due to procrastination on the deadlines. I’m gaining too much weight now, it’s scary.

End on a positive note? Well, there is this pocket-size Bible that I had for about 10 years. When I flew from Tokyo to Toronto, I accidentally left it on the plane but didn’t know it until a couple of days later. I called the AC luggage centre, but wasn’t really expecting to get it back. Little do I know, just a couple of weeks later, they found it, sent it back to me, and I now have it on my desk. This Bible has been through a lot…being lost many many times (once was lost in Saskatoon and didn’t get back to me until a year later!), but every time it comes back to me. It’s a pretty special Bible, and holds great sentimental values. So, let that be a slightly heart-warming story to end this Christmas Eve post.

The car is going to hit 100K today. That’s a huge milestone. I drove this car as far north as Algonquin Park, as far east as Montreal, as far south as Pittsburgh, and as far west as…London? That’s anticlimactic… Anyway, the car has served well. Maybe it’s time to retire…heh.

The travel planning saga continues…where my family wants to come to Switzerland as well! But…they have to find plane tickets first, and it isn’t easy during the Chinese New Year period. Meanwhile, there was another plane ticket scramble where Gary suddenly decided to go to Taiwan this Saturday with his girlfriend! Long story short, the total cost is about $5500…which is less than the cost of one ticket that is found by the travel agent.

Still not doing anything that I’m “supposed” to do…

Wasting my life, that’s what I’ve been doing. I’m supposed to be applying for jobs, but I just couldn’t do it. Instead, I spend my time doing nothing of any importance. And that’s how I get depressed for wasting my life as I’m getting closer and closer to being three decades old.

Contemplating a trip to Switzerland during reading week Feb 12-21. The cost is reasonable, but I just couldn’t find anyone who is willing to go with me. I guess the moment the cost of the plane ticket goes up is the moment when I’ll give up on this trip idea.

First major winter storm last night, and this morning I showed how unfit my body was by being tired after shoveling the short strip of driveway behind my car. Granted, these are pretty heavy snow, but still…didn’t do much. And that’s just the start of winter…