Unfortunately I’m back to a state of depression now…it’s just a lot of contributing factors coming all at once, some of which are trivially silly, but others are of eternal importance. I end up wasting my time away everyday, succumbing to the forces of procrastination. This reminds me of the time two years ago when I was supposed to be finishing my thesis, yet I kept on putting it off due to the great pressure. I’m supposed to do a lot of things right now, but just the thought of doing these things just make me go crazy, and I shut down.
I don’t really remember how it came about that my parents want me to buy a house in Waterloo. I suppose they’ve always wanted me to do that, but I kept rejecting this idea due to various reasons. But now, this house hunting project has been going for a while, and I do have my eyes on one particular house which won’t be available for move in until end of January, so I’m still looking. Deep inside me, however, there is something wrong about it all…sure, I would like to have my own place, but ultimately I don’t have a secure job in Waterloo, my contract runs out next August. After that, who knows what I’ll be doing…(this is another reason that got me depressed.) I guess my parents are betting on me staying in Waterloo for the long term, since I’ve been here for so long now, even beyond my graduation. So who knows…they’ve always been right with things, maybe I should just stop worrying about this and go for the house…
Alright, here’s the deal: I’m supposed to be a Christian, so I’m not supposed to be depressed… I think the hopelessness for the future is a main factor in all of this, but then I’m supposed to look at the eternal picture and place my hope there. So why is it that I can’t do this? Sigh…