Boardgame report for the past two days… Sunday afternoon: While some people went karaoke crazy, Harry Ingrid Ed and I started playing (what else) Settlers expansion. Ed and I were mere spectators as we (thought) we have never won this game before, while Harry and Ingrid had great winning records. So the game starts, and Harry and I got off to a good beginning. However, my luck ran out, and essentially stopped receiving resources… Ed surged a bit and was competing with Harry for the win. Meanwhile, Ingrid was lagging way behind…but it was time for karaoke, so she left while Li Zhen took her place. Meaning, she can still claim that she has never lost…heh. Anyway, during what turned out to be the final round, Ed was at 11 points, but he couldn’t do anything for two more points, so the dice went to me. I didn’t have much luck, but Ed certainly did. Meanwhile, the barbarian was fast approaching. Then it was Harry’s turn. He was at around 9 points, but surged to 12 after building a metropolis and doing other things (sounds familiar?). He also had enough active knights that he would receive a defender of catan victory point had the barbarian attacks, and the barbarian was only 1 step away from attacking! Then it was Li Zhen’s turn. Barbarian didn’t attack. Ed received more resources and progress cards. He claimed that he could get 13 points on the next turn to win the game. And then it’s his turn. He could win, unless he throws a barbarian, in which case Harry would win. So it’s a 50-50 shot at winning, and…he threw the barbarian, and Harry won! Boy, that was the most exciting finish ever…or was it? Later in the dinner, I started to think about what the rule says about the winning condition…does it have to be your turn in order to win? Certainly it’s the case for the regular Settlers, but we didn’t know for the expansion. So I came home to check, yes indeed, it has to be your turn while having 13 points in order to win. So by the rule, Harry didn’t win. However, since Ed didn’t perform the steps to get to his 13 points, technically he didn’t win, either. It’s an incomplete game! Anyway, Li Zhen (having taken over a bad start from Ingrid) ended with 7 points while I had a mere 5 points to show for.

We got booted out of the study room, and went to the TV room for another game. This time, I picked El Grande, which we have not played in a long time. During the two previous games, Ed had won both with Harry second, so Li Zhen and I kind of don’t want them to win…heh. (Well, I guess it’s been a while since this game was played…all I can say is that it’s a fantastic thriller, where I lagged behind for most of the time, but a strategic move late in the game made it closer than previously imagined. In any case, Ed won again, undefeated in El Grande…heh. It was extremely close: Ed 94, Harry 93, Li Zhen 86, Me 84.)

There was a game of Modern Art after brothers prayer meeting, where newcomer Francis won…oops. Seems like it’s a newbie’s game… I lost the scores.

Boardgame report from two weekends ago… It was the Victoria Day long weekend, and I had three consecutive nights of boardgaming…or rather, Settlering. Friday night: Somehow Harry managed to “fool” Brian into lunch, squash, dinner, and boardgames…heh. For the boardgame part, Harry insisted on playing Settlers expansion. I thought, great, a game that I have not won before… Harry had a history of 3 wins and only one loss (to Brian), so Brian and I were determined not to let Harry win again. Well, I don’t remember the details, but that worked, since Brian won. I had 11 points while Harry was trailing at 10. The game was short (about 75 minutes), so Harry decided that he needed to get revenge, so we played an unprecedented second game of Settlers expansion in one night. This time, however, I was in the lead for most of the game. At one point, I had 12 points in my hand, and just needed one more to win…could this be my first ever win in the game? Unfortunately, I ran out of resource cards. And a couple of turns later, Harry surged from 9 points by upgrading a city, building a metropolis and stealing my merchant point, and won the game. Booo…so I remain winless. With that, I had a final total of 11 points while Brian trailed with 9. Harry got his revenge, and that ended the night for us.

Saturday night: John and Tim came to play, and while we waited for Li Zhen, we played a game of regular settlers. It turned out to take longer than expected, however, since there was a lack of brick. It took a while, and eventually John won the game while Tim and I still lagged behind at 6 points each. Li Zhen joined the second game, where we moved to the study room across the hallway, and we were all very determined not to let John win. The three of us kept teaming up against John, always keeping the robber on his hexes, but somehow John won again…oops. Tim and I were again tied at 6 points at game end while Li Zhen never got over his bad start and remained at 2. The boys were still alive and awake, and decided to go for a third game. This time, we are absolutely determined to screw John, and John was furious. Once again, John surged to an early lead. However, this time, I was neck and neck with John, with both of us at 8 points some time during the game. Tim was plugging along nicely as well, while Li Zhen was seemingly lagging behind. Then John hit 9 points, and we definitely did not want to trade with him. Then it was Li Zhen’s turn, and he was at 7 points. I made a trade with him so that he could upgrade a settlement to a city, but of course that was a foolish trade, since we all forgot about his largest army card, which meant that he already had 10 points and won…oops. Sneaky sneaky Li Zhen! John had 9, I had 8, Tim had 7. I guess I forgot about the largest army since it wasn’t in play in the expansion game…heh. Anyway, that was it for the long night of games.

Sunday evening: This time, Ed and Ingrid came along to play, and they settled on, well, the Settlers expansion, of course. Ingrid claimed her undefeated status (though she has played only one game before), while Ed and I claimed our winless status (though on a recent check, he had won one game before…heh). So, with (what we thought) were 2/3 chance of having a virgin winner, are we going to get it? It was a close game for the most part. Ingrid took a bit of a lead, but she didn’t like how Ed and I were using progress cards to mess with her. Eventually, she was at 12 points and was ready to win, while I was at 8. However, using a progress card to build roads and taking the merchant, I surged up to 11 while Ingrid was down to 9. She wasn’t happy then. But I couldn’t figure out how in the world I can get 2 more points…so even though winning the game was in sight, it was not meant to be as Ingrid built a longer road, took the merchant and built another settlement to win the game. So she continued her winning streak while Ed and I groaned… I was at 8 points while Ed at 9 at game end. It was time wasted, getting Ingrid to win…heh.

Last week, there was a brutal marking task that I had to go through. Granted, I’ve been doing this for years now, and it shouldn’t be too hard, but it was still excruciating. There were two questions, one of which was just painful to mark. Oh, and did I mention that there were 170 papers? Yeah… So even though the net marking time was around 9.5 hours, it took 3 days to complete it. I can only do a little at a time, and then had to walk away from it. And imagine, I need to do this 4 more times this semester, and that’s not counting the exams…wooo… Anyway, I complain too much.

Ah…the weekend. Saturday’s fellowship was weird. I simply wasn’t paying attention to anything that’s going on. I was too busy messing around in the Bible study… I was happy to see Clarence again, though. The evening coworker meeting wasn’t too painful, but still very long. Come Sunday, and things started to go crazy. I didn’t have a good sleep to begin with, so I was kind of light-headed when I woke up at 8. Two services later, I was still bumbling around. There was an expensive dim sum lunch with Kai and Sophie, which was nice. Then I came home, hoping to get some sleep, only to receive a call asking to play boardgames… Well, ok I guess. So there went a game of Settlers expansion and El Grande, both of which had very thrilling endings! Just when I thought the activities would end there, they suggested dinner with the karaoke people…oops. I didn’t want to cook, so I tagged along anyway, but my head was mostly spinning around… After dinner, came home, and that’s it for the mildly crazy day.

Today, I stayed at home for most of the morning and afternoon. I slept a lot, so I recovered from yesterday’s exhaustion a little. I’m deeply troubled by my addictions and my spiritual state…somehow or another, maybe it’s because of a new set up with the desks in my room, I finally got a chance to sit down and seriously pray and read the Bible. I only got through two verses, but that seemed like more than enough. And strangely, the desires for these addictions diminished greatly afterwards. Something’s definitely going on there… Anyway, late afternoon, I took Li Zhen to Costco and then the brothers prayer meeting (with Sunshine food…which I hadn’t had in a while). There was a game of Modern Art afterwards, and newby Francis won…oops. Meanwhile, there was extremely heavy police presence around my apartment, so I was wondering what’s that about…really really strange. But that concludes the day. Board game reports next…

So there was a pretty embarrassing supervisor meeting yesterday. Seriously, I just didn’t have anything, even though I did some last-minute work… I don’t know why I kept on doing this procrastination thing, I just don’t know. Meanwhile, an enormous marking task had descended upon me. 170 papers to mark, 2 questions, 2 days to mark them, and I’m still taking long breaks in between piles of 10 (so that’s around 34 piles). That’s going to be a pain…at least I know that I usually work fast enough that it won’t be like Nathan’s 16 hours or Tor’s 21 hours…yikes. Anyway, that’s the current story.

What happened in the past few days? There was a lot of wasting time, yeah. There was a series of three nights of board games (or rather, Settlers or expansion), all with different people. There was a site scouting thing for myf’s amazing race, and I felt good about some of the things that we’re planning for it. There was squash where I was injured by Harry. There was the opening of Arrested Development season two DVDs, where the first episode was way too funny…

What’s heppening now? I feel quite depressed, easily discouraged about many things. There’s a sense of hopelessness about PhD and what’s to come. The spiritual side is getting worse and worse, and I’m indeed still walking in darkness. That troubles and freightens me a lot.

Finally finally spent some time to upload the photos from the Saskatoon/Calgary trip. There are some great photos hidden inside…

I need friends (or just a friend) with whom I’m comfortable sharing things that are deeper than usual conversations. No, not my parents.

Did I waste another day? Yes I did.

I was listening to this sermon on spiritual casualties. I guess I wasn’t wondering if I was a spiritual disaster or not, because it is right now pretty disasterous…but I was wondering how disasterous it is for me. And I’m also wondering, do I really want to recover from this disaster… Sigh…it’s all very depressing.

Of course the disaster doesn’t stop spiritually…I find myself in a disasterous life as well… So it never ends.

I wish everyone would just stop asking about how my research is going. It’s too painful to answer.

Yesterday: Decided to stay at home in the morning in order to finish up a few mundane things that have been bothering me for so long…and actually did most of them, surprisingly. Things like cleaning up the desk, clearing the answering machine, installing camera software, and making a video (yes, a second video of Joanne is up for grabs now). The most unbearable task of these, surprisingly, is the answering machine. I have a history of keeping track of how many messages were left by whom each semester. I was doing the Fall messages, and message after message it’s mom saying “hi Martin, this is mom”…and somehow the sheer quantity of those messages were so annoying that I almost couldn’t handle them… Anyway, just a freaky thing.

Went to pick up Danny from the airport in the afternoon. It was sunny and really hot whenI was driving to the airport. 30 degrees, my car’s thermometor said. Danny was sick on the plane, and was not happy about a broken guitar… On the way back, the sky started to darken…and midway through the drive, it started to thunder, and then rained like crazy. Once I got home, the combination of wind, rain and thunder was so intense that it was actually kind of scary. I’ve never seen this kind of storm in Waterloo before…yikes. But it was Ed’s birthday, and we scheduled a Red Lobster’s dinner, and Ed still wanted to go, so the four of us went…only to end up at King’s Buffet…heh. It’s a nice place, but as always, I ate too much…

Then there’s today…boy, so depressing. I went to the office, planning to do some serious research work…and didn’t. I don’t know how I couldn’t do anything, even if I’m the only one there. Then I got depressed for no good reason and went home. Even Berkant felt strange… Anyway, there was an mccf organizational meeting in the evening, and I didn’t contribute anything, I think. I was tired and depressed, so what can I say? So there goes another day wasted for no good reason.

All of a sudden, I had an acute awareness of how much time I’m wasting… I’ve essentially done nothing today. What is wrong with me?

I’m switching to the new computer pretty much full time now. Still, not everything’s functional… And I’ve been watching DVDs more often now…

There was a brothers prayer meeting, 4 people, sort of a record, I guess. We played Settlers expansion afterwards (heh), and Brian was clearly the runaway leader midway through the game, and because we were pressed for time, Ed and Harry were helping Brian win close to the end…heh. I had 8 points, and Ed and Harry both had 7. Only took an hour and a half, so that’s not too bad.

6 hours, 3 cities, 248.5 kilometres. Helped Gary moved his stuffs to Toronto, and I stopped by T&T on the way back (of course!). The hard part was not the moving, but sitting in extremely slow-moving traffic near Guelph. That made the trip to downtown 2.5 hours instead of the usual 1.5. A test of patience, certainly, but I managed to endure this one without too much trouble. I think I might have overblown the budget at T&T though…$97 and I don’t think I bought much…

I played squash Friday afternoon. Started playing with David for about an hour (with breaks, of course), and then Kai came in and played with David and then me. Having not exercised for a month prior to this (and hence gaining 10 lbs of weight), so of course my entire body was sore. I think my squashing skills might have improved, since I was able to beat David more times than before (or maybe he’s just rusty from 4 months of break)…but then my thoughts were crushed when Kai consistently beat me…heh. I blame that on the standard international court…

Why do I have so much trouble in sharing (some) things about myself to good friends?

Wednesday was the day when I was supposed to be busy doing research and preparing for supervisor meeting. Unfortunately (or fortunately), I ended up talking to a lot of people while I was in the office…heh. So yeah, the meeting the next day was disasterous…everything I did on my own is wrong, couldn’t be worse than that. And I was being reminded that this is my 11th term as a PhD student, and things would be awkward after the 12th term…so yeah, it’s all very depressing. And I got a new problem to try and solve…

I’m disturbed at how my patience has decreased… Yesterday during the first in-depth Bible study of the semester, so much of the time was spent on “discussion” where it’s mostly Laura talking like a woodpecker, and some responded similarly, and I just didn’t get it. Also frustratingly annoyed. Then tonight on the drive home from the Guelph-Cambridge church, Laura and Brian were chatting in the backseat in the same babbling manner. That was fine, except I was already frustrated in trying to find an entrance to the 401 highway, and their chatting sort of fueled even more of the frustration. I don’t want to just yell “shut up!” but I really wanted to. Sigh…where did my patience go? No more fruit of the Spirit?

I’m too depressed about my spiritual state, as I have been for more than a year now…

A few things happened in the last couple of days in Saskatoon. Monday, there was a supposedly small gathering for a dim sum lunch, but somehow word got out and we had 8 people coming…heh. I also got to drive TP’s car to get him back to work. Alex and KCS came to TP’s place and the three of us played some board games. 3 games of Ticket to Ride, where I still won two games despite trying to lose, and finally Alex won a game. In all games, KCS finished second…heh. Game 1: KCS 117, Alex 105, Me 139. Game 2: KCS 92, Alex 84, Me 105. Game 3: KCS 113, Alex 125, Me 64. This was followed by 3 games of Carcassonne, which turned out to be a much more interesting game that I first thought. The tweaked farm rule helped. I won 2 out of 3 again, and KCS took the other game. Game 1: KCS 39, Alex 58, Me 76. Game 2: KCS 86, Alex 54, Me 67. Game 3: KCS 61, Alex 55, Me 73. We started Settlers, and Alex was on a roll. He had a set up where with a roll of 5, he would receive 3 ores and 2 wheat, exactly the resources needed for an upgrade! However, time was up and we had to leave the game early for a potluck, so Alex was declared the winner. Another game was played at the potluck, now with Simon added into the mix. It was slow going, though, and it got sort of torturous, especially since KCS was winning…hehehe. Anyway, the potluck was a nice gathering, saying goodbye to friends, send notes and pray. Good times.

Last day in Saskatoon…slacked off in the morning, more train game in the afternoon. This time, Sinnie joined KCS and I for two games. As always, KCS finished second in both games…hehehe. Game 1: Sinnie 98, KCS 113, Me 118. Game 2: Sinnie 121, KCS 98, Me 98. KCS and I headed to a pasta place while I was not hungry. Along the way, we passed by a person holding a videocamera, filming what looked like Tom Green interviewing/harassing somebody. We just thought he looked like Tom Green, but dismissed it as a mere imagination. Later KCS found out from news that Tom was indeed in Saskatchewan at that time, so it might very well be him. So anyway, we pretty much went straight to the airport after the pasta lunch/dinner. Joanne did more crazy things at the airport and then I was off. On the airplane, I sat at the front row in the economy class, with nobody beside me. So that was one of the most comfortable flights I’ve ever had. And that pretty much ends the trip.

Overall, I’ll say that I enjoyed this trip. I tried not to let things back home drag me down, and mostly that was true. One regret is that I didn’t get to see Byron from the wpc team. It was simply too short of a visit… Another regret is that I didn’t spend more time at Forest’s…such a good family. Oh well, maybe another time. Oh, and another thing, one thing I now pray for when visiting people is that I don’t make a fool of myself because of my chronic depression, and I didn’t, thank God. (This must have been an extremely boring post.)

So about the Joshua Retreat Camp…I thought it was good, but somehow felt strange…I don’t know what it is, but maybe I just didn’t quite get it… Anyway, most of the activities happened on Saturday. The theme for the camp is “All For Jesus” and I’ll talk more about that later. But first, there was a power outage…oops…but the camp must go on, so we started with a seemingly-generic sermon by the pastor, yet it is a good reminder of what it is to love God. The power came back on, thank God, then there was a video Bible study, which is a video that I watched before. I fell asleep during the discussion…oops. Outdoor games were planned by KCS, Karen and I, and it was bizarre for the first couple of games, but the end game treasure hunt was decent, I think. The last-minute computer trick tripped up the teams, unfortunately… Anyway, an evening message and fake campfire sharing later, I was pretty much wiped out. Sunday, went to church for service and then back to camp for more…well, mostly indoor games where I hosted an Identity knockoff that was quite fun. And that’s about it for the camp. We went off for some ice cream afterwards, and TP Sinnie and I were all wiped out…

About the theme “All for Jesus”… The theme verse is “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.” And for me, the most difficult part is the word “all.” I want to love God, but I only want to obey Him partially. There are some things that I refuse to give up, keeping them back from God. Even if they lead to an unhappy life, I still couldn’t let them go. I’m still struggling with these issues a lot…

A few miscellaneous notes… I do feel slightly awkward that I’m sort of a visitor, yet I’m running quite a few games…but I guess that’s fine, as we are all brothers and sisters in Christ, right? But another thing that really bothered me is how I would constantly think about the games, tweaking the rules here and there, imagining how it would go…it takes the focus away from the truth (more like Martha, less like Mary). Added to that my tiredness throughout the camp, it was a bit regrettable. In any case, we managed some boardgaming in there. A round of train game with KCS ZhuYue (whom I unfortunately mispronounced her name, and became a recurring joke later) Amy and I. I tried to lose, but I still won, unfortunately…score: KCS 48 (record low?), ZhuYue 78, Amy 81, Me 105. Two games of Carcassonne between KCS and I, and I lost both games…oops. And I wasn’t even trying to lose…so, is there a lesson here to be learned? First game score: KCS 107, Me 98. Second game score: KCS 124, Me 109.

Recapping… Thursday, Calgary, pouring rain, and sometimes snow. That certainly dampened our spirits quite a bit, but still, we made a run outside to do…something. Ended up going to shopping malls and buying nothing but groceries…heh. Came home, ate lunch, and got Forest hooked on Arrested Development! We went to pick up Forest’s mom and sister at the airport, but it was a grueling 2.5-hour drive there and back through the congested streets of Calgary. Forest was frustrated, so I was the driver that took the family home. I think this is the first time that I drove a van, and it felt…interestingly different. We got to play with Forest’s sister at home, who was 2 years old. More A.D. in the evening, and we went to bed slightly early in preparation for the Banff trip the next day.

And there was the Banff trip the next day, the craziest day in recent memory (recent being within one week). Left the house at around 6:45, and started to see majestic mountains soon afterwards. It wasn’t raining, but clouds covered up the top of the mountains, and fogs lingered around the valley. And we haven’t even entered the park yet. The views inside the park were awesome as well. Forest and I stopped at many places, taking photos like crazy…except that my camera battery eventually went out…oops. It started to snow, sometimes quite heavily during our visit. I guess it’s hard to describe all the places that we visited, maybe the pictures will tell a better story. Some interesting things include the arrival of a train at a viewpoint, a completely frozen Lake Louise, a blocked out Moraine Lake (for which Forest was very disappointed), driving aimlessly around the highly commercialized town of Banff, and the best part (for me anyway), hiking half a mile along seemingly treacherous pathways and overhanging catwalks to see the lower falls at Johnston Canyon. We stopped and admired the thunderous waterfall for quite a while, and it was mesmerizing to be there and just watch and listen. Eventually we left at around 3. Forest and I alternated the driving throughout the trip, and we alternated sleeping at the back of the van as well…heh. But one critical mistake was that when Forest drove back, I was sleeping, hence missed the 22 highway and instead drove through heavy city traffic. Boo GPS! Anyway, it was a marvelous trip, the first time I’ve been to the Rockies out of summer, and the first time I’ve been there in 10 years. People living in Calgary (or even Banff!) are so blessed to have such a great place to visit nearby.

Once back in Forest’s place, there was a mad scramble to get the battery recharged, transfer the photos here and there, packing and stuff, and then we were off to dinner. A decent Viet noodles for dinner. Then we got to the airport, and said goodbye. It was hard. I really wanted to stay here longer. I really liked spending time with Forest and his family. What can I say…all things (almost) have to come to an end… Oh well, maybe I’ll return some time in the near future. The flight to Saskatoon was short and slightly turbulous, and it was a packed plane (I’m surprised). TP and Shentong picked me up at the airport, and soon I was at their retreat camp under a clearly sky with uncountably many bright stars…that was another sight I’ve not seen for a long time.

Ah…it’s actually not too bad to go without the internet for three full days! Those were some of the most fantastic, awesome, breathtaking, exhilirating, profound, adrenaline-filled and sleep-deprived days. More details later, but for now, I need some rest…

Well, that title didn’t make sense… Anyway, a new city to blog from! Yay! Calgary is huge…but it feels clean, not cluttered, so it’s not too bad a city. Forest lives at the edge of the city, and it’s very quiet here. Yesterday, woke up early to hitch a ride here. Along the way, we stopped at the dinosaur museum in Drumheller, which is where I was 12 years ago…wow. The museum itself is ok, I guess, but the view of the areas surrounding Drumheller is spectacular. It’s almost like the Grand Canyon (though I’ve never been there before). Beautiful place. Too bad we didn’t really go into Dino Park…I’ll make a mental note about coming back here in the future. Got to Forest’s place at around 3:30, went out to shop, pick up his dad, had a buffet dinner, visited a nice viewpoint, came back to watch Over the Hedge (not too bad a movie), and that’s the day.

Ah…yes, the crazy thing I did… After knowing that Shentong and Bobo are leaving Calgary on Friday at 5am, I kind of wanted to stay a bit longer here. So…I decided to fly back to Saskatoon Friday night. A few phone calls here, a few mouse clicks there, and that’s done. Costs me $150, but that’s ok…Forest is taking me to Banff on Friday.

I try not to feel guilty about leaving research behind while going on this trip…still trying to enjoy it…which I sort of am.